It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
