I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
