I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
