You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
