i think i have two assholes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
