Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
