Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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