I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
