I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
