some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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