i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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