Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
