he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
