OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
