i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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