Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
