So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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