Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
