The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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