Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
