so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
