so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
