According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
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Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
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Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend