I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.