I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems