you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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