We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?