You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.