highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
