no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
