Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
