mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
