if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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