I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
