The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
