The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
