I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
