She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
