Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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