Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
