Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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