I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Farmville is her only friend.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
