i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dick very happy bro
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
