Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
