God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dicks are not precious.
I need a beard to bite.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
