He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Randomize
