Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
