Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
