I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
