I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
