dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
