omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
