Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
FUCK WHALES
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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