Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
