I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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