it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When are your genitals available?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
