Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
