The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
