so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Say something about gay babies.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
