Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
