McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
