My nipple is on Facebook.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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