I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
