My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
