Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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