dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
