I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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