CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
