he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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