is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby