Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages