Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.