there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.