ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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