They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
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