The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.