You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
