I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?