You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?