I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.