Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!