Will you blow on my dice?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after